I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
