In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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