May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
