Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
