I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
