i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
