I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
