There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
