that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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