My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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