i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
