the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
