Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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