I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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