Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
