The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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