I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
