my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
