I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
