my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
