I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
