Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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