maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
