end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
