Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
