my mouth tastes like poor choices
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
