they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
