cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
