is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
