cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
