sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
