Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
