Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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