My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
