im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is wine microwaveable?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
