Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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