She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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