i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
is that a dick in a sweater?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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