garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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