So gin and wine won't be happening again
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
