I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
