Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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