You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
