just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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