There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
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