You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
