What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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