ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
