This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He did a backflip because drugs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
