you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
