You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
