i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
