a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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