I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
