I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
