am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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