She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
