so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
