My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
