....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
