He had one of those small greek statue penises
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Come on in and take your pants off
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