allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
