is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
