Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
