I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
